9 Common Thinking Traps That Can Make Kids Anxious or Sad (and How to Help)

Key Insights

• Thinking traps (also known as cognitive distortions) are unhelpful patterns of thinking that can twist how children and young people perceive reality and can lead to negative feelings like anxiety or sadness.
• Common thinking traps include all-or-nothing thinking, blaming, and catastrophizing.
• Helping children spot these patterns, and using evidence to challenge them, is the first step towards healthier thinking habits.

What Are Cognitive Distortions?

Have you ever noticed a child saying things like, “I always mess up,” or “This is the worst thing that could happen!” These are examples of thinking traps (what psychologists call cognitive distortions). These common thinking errors or mental shortcuts that twist a child's view of reality in ways that can increase anxiety or sadness.

In this article, we’ll explore 9 common thinking traps that can make kids feel anxious or sad, and share simple ways to challenge them.

1.   All-or-nothing Thinking

Children with all-or-nothing thinking see situations as all good or all bad, missing the shades of grey in between. For example, a child who comes second in a competition might feel like a failure because they didn’t win. This type of thinking is often shows up with words like "always" or "never."

All-or-nothing thinking fosters perfectionism and unrealistic expectations, which can reduce motivation and lead to failure and disappointment. Encourage children to notice the positives in between and remind them that few things in life are truly all or nothing.

2.   Labelling

Labelling happens when children assign a negative label to themselves or others based on a single event. For example, calling themselves "stupid" for making a mistake. This can cause them to think and behave in ways that conform to that label, turning it into a self-fulfilling prophesy. When you notice a child is labelling, help them to understand that one mistake doesn't define who they are, and that it's just a snapshot of one moment or behaviour. Remind them that labels belong on jars, not people.

3.   Mind Reading

Mind reading involves making assumptions about what others are thinking or feeling without evidence. For example, if a friend doesn’t reply immediately, a child might think, "They must be mad at me." Since we can’t actually read minds, it's helpful to remind kids to check their assumptions and consider other reasons why someone might not have replied, such as being busy or distracted. This can help reduce unnecessary worry and misunderstandings.

4.   Fortune Telling

Fortune telling means predicting what will happen next, usually expecting something bad, without any evidence to support the prediction. For example, a child might say, “I’m going to fail the test,” before even trying. Assuming the future is set in stone can lead to feelings of pessimism and hopelessness. Encourage children to slow down and remind them that the future isn’t fixed. Help them think about all the possible outcomes, and not just the worst-case scenario, as this will build hope and reduce anxiety.

5.   Catastrophizing

Catastrophizing means expecting the worst-case scenario in any situation - like believing that one bad exam grade means they'll never succeed. When you notice this pattern of thinking, help the child to break down the problem and ask themself: “What’s really likely to happen?” or “Even if this happens, could I handle it?”

6.   Mental Filtering

Mental filtering is like wearing a pair of glasses that filter out anything positive leaving only the negative details, like ignoring compliments and only noticing criticism. This can make a situation seem worse than it really is. Support children to notice the positive too, for example, by asking them, “What went well here?” or “Did anyone say something nice?”

7.   Discounting the Positive

Discounting the positive is similar to mental filtering but instead of removing the positives, children just tell themsleves they don’t count. For example, a child might think a compliment is just someone being nice or that success was due to luck. If you catch a child discounting the positive, ask them why they think it doesn’t count - often there's no good reason! This can help to boost their confidence over time.

8.   Emotional Reasoning

Emotional reasoning means believing our feelings reflect reality. For example, a child might feel lonely whilst seeing others are having fun and wrongly conclude that no one cares about them. Remind children that feelings aren't always facts. Encourage them to think about what evidence (if any) supports their feelings and what else might be true. This helps them separate feelings from facts and feel calm.

9.     Should Statements

"Should" statements create rigid and unrealistic expectations that often lead to feelings of disappointment, guilt, or frustration, such as, "I should never make mistakes." Help children to replace “should” with gentler phrases like “I would like to…” or “It would be nice if…” This shift makes goals more flexible and less stressful.

How Can Parents and Educators Help?

The first step in supporting children and young people is helping them to become aware of thinking traps and to question whether there’s a different, more helpful way to see the situation. Over time, this awareness helps build healthier thinking habits and improves emotional wellbeing.

To help you, I've put together a range of Automatic Negative Thoughts (ANTs) resources that use simple language and visuals to help kids spot thinking traps in every day life.

For older children, check out our Cognitive Distortions Cards and Cognitive Distortions Poster. These tools provide easy to understand visual reminders to help young people spot and challenge cognitive distortions in every day life. 

 

References and Further Reading

Beck, A. T. (1976). Cognitive Therapy and the Emotional Disorders. International Universities Press.

Child Mind Institute. (2023). How to change negative thinking patterns. Retrieved August 11, 2025, from https://childmind.org/article/how-to-change-negative-thinking-patterns/

Photo by Mikhail Nilov: https://www.pexels.com/photo/boy-looking-pensive-wearing-a-sweater-and-standing-against-bookshelves-7929240/